//SCARS vs WOUNDS //
The other day I was listening to a podcast and this quote struck me:
“Preach from your scars, not your open wounds.”
Makes sense — when we have a scar, it’s because we’ve BEEN through it, the heartbreak, the confusion, the figuring it out, the feeling of failure, the uncertainty, the unknown road ahead.
We experience the wound, we watch ourselves bleed, we go through every emotion that can crack us wide open. Fear can flood us, a feeling that this will go on for an interminable amount of time. The openness of the wound feels raw and unending. We go down the gauntlet and the truth is, it’s only from this process that we truly learn.
The pain teaches us who we are and what we are made of. It expands parts of ourselves that we often didn’t even know needed to grow. We stretch beyond what we thought was possible to find who we become in the next version of ourselves and from that place the wounds form scabs.
Things are still tender. As you would imagine they would be but there is some element of relief — we’ve stopped bleeding, we are trying to find a new normal, a state of equilibrium where we accept the scab and look forward to the future rather than the deep fear of the unknown that resides in the uncertainty of what is next.
And then we scar. We can’t unknow what we’ve been through and in someway, we wouldn’t want to go back to our previously unwounded self because as much as whatever we’ve been through hurt, on the other side of it, we can see who that wound has helped us to become.
Here are 3 things to do when you are feeling stuck in the wound:
- Acknowledge where you are — shoving it into the back of the closet to deal with “another day” isn’t the approach here. It will likely resurface at another time and even more likely, at a rather inconvenient time. Instead, look around and take an inventory of what isn’t working. Check in on your circumstances as well as your feelings. You might not like the feelings that you are feeling but you can’t change something that you are not aware of.
- Think about how you would rather it be — when you are feeling stuck in the bleeding of a wound, it’s easy to focus on your pain but rather get clear about how you would rather things be instead. You need a vision. Stuck sucks and it’s not going to change overnight but vision helps us to start imagine possibility and that will begin to offer a glimmer of relief.
- Get support — going it alone doesn’t work. Wallowing or sitting in our “stuff” can feel very lonely and leave us feeling deep in the abyss of our discontent. Phone a friend. Get a therapist. Hire a coach. You need a life raft, not because you can’t go it alone but rather the journey can be much more fulfilling if we have a plus one in our corner.
Written by Bailey Frumen, MSW, LCSW — Psychotherapist, Author, and Founder of Mindrise
